First of all its an impossible task to write about Isness. Words aren’t designed for expressing it; square peg in an infinitely spiralling round hole. But there is a delight in trying nonetheless. The delight brings me closer to the unnameable and deeper into me which is always where I want to be. Exquisitely, this is the most direct route deeper into you. Here goes, coming to you between the lines.
As I use the word ‘Isness’ it refers to that which is beyond thought.
To arrive, I come in closer than my breath. I am still. I include everything. I am unchanging. Remembering.
In 2002 I had an experience which sowed an awakening seed. For a matter of minutes, inside and outside where continuous. There was nothing that was not me. Not in the sense of personality but in the sense of essence of me. I was without boundary and my centre was everywhere.
Suddenly there was nothing to do. No sense in the story I had for myself; nothing I could speak could represent what I knew myself as in those minutes. Yet this was inconvenient truth. I didn’t exist in a way I recognised and so I rejected it. It was too much. A rude awakening and I felt put out.
A Course in Miracles says “The giving up of judgement, the obvious prerequisite for hearing God’s voice, is usually a fairly slow process, not because it is difficult but because it is apt to be perceived as personally insulting”.
You gotta laugh.
And the seed was sown.
I have experienced ‘Isness’ as both the most extraordinary and the most ordinary thing – the variable is my receptivity. When soft and open, the revelation is ordinary, in the details of sunlight on water, in the stance of my beloved, in grass under feet, in coffee swirls; in any detail i choose to spend time with. Occasionally I crash land into Isness because my thoughts have got me in a downward spin. Eject is the only option if I want to live. To love. The moments when the dust is settling are full of revelation, priorities change in a crisis.
Isness has tickled me awake during a Vipassana meditation course. It was a good day when I discovered that at the centre of the worst knee pain I had ever sat with was a sensation the same as the sensation in the centre of my relaxed pinky finger. The way was to bring awareness to the sensation of pain and continue through it to subtler and subtler vibrations within it. Finding the centre of it was finding the centre of all sensation.
You’ve got to come in to find the centre and then you are everywhere. A 12 year old boy said this:
“The really amazing thing is that all the information in the universe is within us. We could sit in a meadow our entire lives and know everything that is going on if we would just be willing to discover what is in us.”
Scotty in ‘Conversations With The Children of Now’